Francisco's Journal an author discusses the art of writing

June 23, 2016

Intuition

Filed under: Conferences,Intuition,Uncategorized,Vermont College of Fine Art,Writing — Francisco Stork @ 9:46 am

[From a lecture delivered to alumni of Vermont College of Fine Arts on June 18, 2016]

Flannery O’Connor in her book “Mystery and “Manners” uses the term “the habit of art” to refer to a certain way of seeing that the artist must cultivate. The term does not refer to an activity as much as the writer’s attitude, an internal disposition of the writer from which the writing emanates. Writing out of the “habit of art” becomes, in her own words, “something in which the whole personality takes part — the conscious as well as the unconscious mind.” Like other habits, the habit of art becomes rooted in our very being.

The best way that I can describe the habit of art in my life is to say that it consists of the development of intuition through mindfulness. Intuition is that gift-like quality that gives our characters and our stories their uniqueness – the spark that makes our work part of our deepest self yet something new. Intuition is that which brings into being what only we can create. Because there are so many concepts that are sometimes covered by the word intuition, I would like to define it as a way of seeing a truth that is not dependent on words. It is, to use, T. S. Eliot’s words, a “sudden illumination”.  Except that sometimes, an intuition can come to us little by little, slowly over time.

Here is an example of an intuition. The philosopher William James wrote in his Will to Believe: “If this life is not a real fight, in which something is eternally gained for the universe by success, it is no better than a game of private theatricality from which one may withdraw at will. But it feels like a fight.”

This feeling that James had, that life is a fight in which something is eternally gained for the universe by success is an intuition that I share. Deep down I feel that this life is a fight that can be won or lost. It feels as if what I choose to do, what I choose to believe, whom I choose to be, matters. This “feeling” is a certainty. There is no doubt in me about this. Moreover, this certainty is not just a feeling, it is a way of seeing and being. Because I have this intuition, I am thinking of you, my reader, differently right this very second then if I didn’t have it.

What I have found most helpful in learning to listen to my intuitions (part of the habit of art) is the mindful investigation of my beliefs so as to uncover the intuitions that lie behind them. And the place where mindfulness is most fruitful is in the patient and kind, the non-judgmental, honest awareness of who I am. By who I am I mean not only the person I truly am and am meant to be, but also the person I hide from myself and the person I would like others to see.  A mindful, but compassionate awareness of who I am does not flinch from from what Mona, one of my favorite characters in The Memory of Light, calls “the uglies.”

For intuitions are the lotus flower of the mind. Their roots are in the muck, the smelly dirty bottom of our being. They grow in the rich soil of shame and secret desires, in the emptiness of regret for the wasted opportunities to be brave or to love. The more we penetrate with mindfulness into the hiddenness of our “uglies”, the more beautifully unique that our intuitions and the characters and stories they inspire will be.

We cannot force an intuition to come to us. I realize that  what you most want and need for our work is ultimately not up to us to bring into existence. But even though we cannot force an intuition to come out, we can knock on the door, we can even open the door and in a gentle, tender way let the child in there know that we are there, that we are present and that we would like to play. This presence, our constant, loving presence to all of existence, including the voices and visions inside of us, is what the habit of art is all about.

Ultimately, the habit of art is part of a habit of being. Our unique characters and the stories that are meaningful to us and others will come from intuitions that arise from a habit of art that is embedded in a habit of being. And if you were to ask me what quality in that habit of being is more conducive to a habit of art from which intuitions will arise to enliven our work, I would have to say that it is humility. Because we have no control over them, intuitions are all about humility. The humility in our habit of being will percolate all the way up to characters that are us but also separate and unique beings. And what is this humility? It is neither an inflated or a deflated appreciation of the role of our creative work in our life. We have a gift but so does the carpenter who builds a simple, useful chair. I like the way Vincent Van Gogh, the guy who sold maybe one painting during his life, described this habit of being. Writing to his brother after a severe breakdown:

“So I remain calm and confident through all this, and that influences my work, which attracts me more than ever, just because I feel I shall succeed. Not that I shall become anything extraordinary, but “ordinary”, and then I mean by ordinary, that my work will be sound and reasonable, and will have a right to exist and will serve to some useful end.”

 

May 8, 2016

Ruth Arguelles Stork

Filed under: Mother,Ruth Stork,Sacrifice — Francisco Stork @ 6:40 am

Mother’s Day – 2016

Te escribo en Español porque es la lengua que siempre hablaste. Cuando pienso en ti mamá, me viene a mente más que nada todos los sacrificios que hiciste por mi. Desde el primero, cuando decidiste en aquel convento de Monterrey donde habías llegado por haber dado un “mal paso”, cuando decidiste que no me darías por adopción como se había planeado. Desde ese momento juntamos nuestras vidas. Regresaste a Tampico a vivir con mi abuelo y que la gente dijera lo que dijera. Cuando seis años después te casaste con Charlie Stork y el, al adoptarme, me dio su nombre. También ese fue un sacrificio que después de muchos años pude reconocer como tal. Charlie Stork tenía veinte años de edad más que tu y te casaste más que nada para darme un padre. Qué es un sacrificio? Mucha gente piensa que es hacer algo para el bien de otros, algo que nos duele, algo que si no fuera por esa otra persona que amamos, no lo haríamos. Sí, así fueron tus sacrificios, pero también la palabra significa “hacer sagrado” – convertir un acto en acción con una transcendencia más allá de lo ordinario. Transformar algo que duele en algo sagrado es amar, es amor. No hay pérdida porque el bien que hacemos por el ser amado es nuestro propio bien. Y ese sentido también tuvo lo que hiciste por mi. Aceptar tu soledad cuando me fui lejos a estudiar – primero a Spring Hill College en Alabama y luego a Harvard en Massachusetts, fue un sacrificio, quizá el más grande que hiciste. Uno de los dos, tú o yo, tendría que hacer un sacrificio. Yo me podría haber quedado cerca de ti y sacrificar lo que veía como oportunidad. Pero te pedí a ti que hicieras el sacrificio de dejarme ir. Se que te hizo feliz ver mis pequeños triunfos pero también se que estar sola te causó mucho dolor. Y luego por fin, el último y más grande sacrificio cuando la enfermedad no te permitía vivir sola, cuando sabías lo difícil que sería para mi cuidarte, entonces hiciste por mi ese otro sacrificio. Le pediste a Dios que te llevará con El, y El acepto tu sacrificio. Y ahora después de tantos años te recuerdo y en pequeña forma te doy las gracias. Cómo podré yo responder a tus sacrificios para que no se pierdan, para que tu amor siga viviendo en el mundo? No tengo otra forma sino tratar de amar a los que Dios pone en mi camino, tratar de ser útil con mi pobre escritura. No fue en vano, Mami, lo que hiciste y tu soledad y tu dolor son semillas que viven en mi alma y algunas ya florecieron y a las otras les doy el agua de la tristeza y alegría para que crezcan. Perdóname si a veces me olvido de tu sacrificio en mis pensamientos pero, aún así, aquí lo llevo siempre corriendo por mi sangre. Gracias Mami.

February 19, 2016

Publication and Faith

Filed under: Faith,Publication,The Memory of Light,Writing — Francisco Stork @ 9:50 am

My book The Memory of Light was published almost a month ago and I wanted to write about what it feels like to have a book be out in the world. I hope I never lose that first-time sense of awe at having my work be available to be read by others. Publication of a book is the culmination of a process that is full of happenings that are as much or more a matter of chance and good fortune as accomplishment. So many good books, so many good writers with books that have not found the one agent, the one editor who is in tune to the book’s beauty and truth. So one of the things I always remember when a book is published is how blessed and grateful I am to have found people in this world who are willing to spend their time and effort and considerable talent in working with me on something I have written.

Authors talk about the “let down” feeling that comes after completion of a work. The purpose that kept us getting up in the morning for four years (as was the case in The Memory Light) is suddenly gone and we wake up with a now what feeling. It is usually many months from the time the last copyedits are done to the date of publication so by the time the book is published chances are the emptiness of completion has been filled by the hope of a new project. But publication is also a letting go that brings a sweet sadness not unlike what I felt when I dropped my son and then my daughter off at college for the first time. I felt sadness but also a kind of powerlessness. I wanted to continue to take care of them, watch over them, fight for them if need be. But, alas, I couldn’t. They were on their own. And so is my book.

Letting go is so hard. The advent of social media has extended the role of the author beyond the completion of the work and its publication. Here I am writing on my website about the book that’s just been published and while I hope that posts like this have value in their own right (beyond interesting you in purchasing my book), it is still an advertisement of sorts, isn’t it? The continuous role of the author beyond publication of the book is expected and accepted. But I suspect that beyond the expectation and now full social acceptance that it is okay to promote the heck out of your published work, there is reluctance on our part as authors to lose control of the process, an unwillingness to let go. There must be something I can do to lower those Amazon ratings into at least a five-digit figure! Shall I try one more Tweet?

What helped me the most when I dropped my kids off at college was faith. We all, even the most irreligious of us, have faith or faiths that we live by even it it’s the simple basic faith that the sun will rise tomorrow. I had faith in my son and my daughter, in their character and their values. I knew they would make mistakes and have their struggles but I had faith in their ability to make the right decisions. It was not a blind faith, I knew who they were. I also had a more transcendent faith that they would be guided toward a path of goodness and away from harm and evil. It is these kinds of faiths that I think are most needed after the publication of one of my books.

I have faith in the goodness and value of my books. In the case of The Memory of Light, I have faith in the ability of the book to give hope to those suffering from depression and to re-affirm the joy of hope in those who are well. The story of Vicky’s recovery from depression and suicide attempt is a story of hope and of how hope comes to a person’s anguished soul. I have faith that my hard work and the hard work of my editor resulted in a story that is readable and real. I know the character and values of the book like I knew the character and values of my children that day long ago when I pulled out of their freshman dorms. And there is still in me that other transcendent kind of faith. This other mystery-filled faith gives me the assurance that the book will find it’s way to the person who needs just this book at just this time in her or his life. And so these faiths allow me to let go of The Memory of Light full of peace. I will do what I can to bring the book and its values to others’ awareness, but I hope that my actions will be done with the peace of someone who knows that the fruits and results of his labor are no longer his responsibility. It was the trying the mattered. I have done my job. The book is in others’ hands now. It is in good hands now.

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